How to Handle Wedding Dilemmas

Although each wedding is unique, some of the slip-ups and dilemmas involved are universal: costly, expenses overboard, bloopers at the ceremony, show-off guests, obsolete wedding rituals like throwing a bouquet, garter, prosperity dance and gate crashers.

Here are some practical tips shared by CNN.com taken from the wedding planning experts:

"The most common wedding dilemma that most couple encounters is managing the guest list. Just how many guests the couple should invite? What is the best way to inform the guests that they are not suppose to bring uninvited or unspecified guest to the reception? How to react if someone comes up and laments why she or he is not included in the guest list?"

The Etiquette:

Uninvited Guests: Remember this sacred rule in a social event: Do not come to the party if you did not receive any invitation officially, it is always rude to ask the couple or the party hosts why you are not included in the celebration. It's a wedding and not a town feast, the bride and groom are setting a specific budget and we must respect that.

Couple: If you are not very specific with your preferences, you run the risk of having too many excess heads at the ceremony and ruining your budget and your day. There are many ways how to control the number of guests and how to tell them they are not suppose to bring unspecified guests to the reception. At the invitation, put something like "Adult reception only" (in this case, guests will know bringing children are not welcome), "we have reserved one seat for you at the reception" (in this case guests will have an idea that bringing an uninvited companion is off limit). You can create a wedding site and specify your preferences. 

"Wedding, especially in the Philippines, is almost like a family affair , all members seem like have an opinion, unfortunately not all the suggestions they offer fit the taste and preferences of the couple and the kind of celebration they envision"

The etiquette:

Couple: This can be a very difficult situation especially if the suggestions come from the future in-laws. Maintain politeness and avoid acting like you detested their opinions. Assign a specific task for mothers, sisters and everyone in the family to make them feel they are part of the event and keep their focus narrow.

Guests: Unless you have something to contribute financially, you must know your place in the ceremony--just an invited guest, therefore have no right to offer outrageous suggestions. 

Family: Respect the couple's preferences. The bride and groom might not refuse the suggestions to avoid offending anyone but the situation might also the culprit of their wedding stress and anxiety, so it's better to minimize your involvement unless it's necessary, allow the couple to pick their choices.

"Gift giving is part of the wedding tradition, but it has lots of dilemmas involved: The horror of receiving duplicate items (4 electric fans, 3 oven toasters, 6 rice cookers), the couple's preference of receiving cash instead of guests".

The Etiquette:

Couple: It is always rude and bad manner to ask guests for a gift, it's a personal choice to give one. The guests are coming, you invited them but it doesn't mean they are obliged to bring a gift. You are inviting them to share the joy of the celebration and not to collect home appliances and household items. If you don't want to receive a duplicate item, try to create a bridal registry and announce it to your wedding site. Do not attach a bridal registry in the wedding invitation, wedding experts maintain it's impolite. If you prefer to receive cash gifts rather than items, specify it at your wedding site or let some friends and relatives spread the word to guests that you are putting a wedding shop at the reception so bringing gifts is no longer necessary. 

Guests: Gift giving is part of the wedding tradition, it's one way of helping the newly weds start their own family. Know the taste and lifestyle of the couple when you plan to buy a wedding gift. Check their site if they set up a bridal registry. 

"Wedding rituals in the Philippines include prosperity dance, rounding something during the reception (selling puto, macaroons, etc). How to handle it without giving an impression you are asking too much monetary gifts from the guests?"

The Etiquette:

Couple: Avoid being too demanding to the guests. If you have a prosperity dance at the reception, scrap the selling of puto, it's too much for the guests. Remember they already spend on shoes, dress, make-up, hairstyle, gifts and not to mention the transportation expenses, the least to happen is another round of asking money from them. Although it's only an option whether they will give or not, the action alone suggests impropriety, so avoid it.

"Wedding tradition at the reception like throwing bouquet and garter, poking fun at the unfortunate guests who catch it and other form of stupid entertainment"

The Etiquette:

Couple: Remember that you are inviting your friends and relatives to share the joy of the celebration and not to embarrass them. Others find it entertaining and funny but others consider it offensive and downright ridiculous. Avoid this uncomfortable situation by checking the program before hand with the party host and tell him or her to scrap the unnecessary elements of poking fun with your guests.

Wedding Manners

As the 21st century rolled over, we had witnessed how modern technology influenced the evolution of tradition and culture in every nation, people's lifestyle change and the society's concept on social gathering and public events undergone a massive makeover.

One of these social events is the wedding.

In the Philippines, no major changes had taken place, most folks still preferred the old way -- "pamamanhikan" or asking the girl's hand from her parents, preparing a banquet for the reception, sit-down dinner, prosperity dance, throwing a bouquet, etcetera. Personally, I dreaded all of these stuff and if ever I could still get married, I would never want my wedding to organize that way, I want to be creative as much as I can.

Apart from the above ancient wedding rituals, there's something in the wedding that most couples/organizers forget to see -- the wedding etiquette.

I'd attended several weddings already and I'd noticed none of them observed proper wedding manners, but wedding etiquette is highly important and should never be taken for granted.

So if you are on your way planning your dream wedding, avoid being caught in a wedding etiquette blunder.

Here are some of the basic wedding manners that we must observed:

• All wedding etiquette books I'd read revealed that a bridal registry card should never be attached to the wedding invitation, wedding planning experts say it is highly inappropriate and suggests rudeness.
• If you are inviting a friend or relative who is already married, include his or her spouse, it's pretty appalling if you only invited one of them. Wedding is a social event and social etiquette dictates that someone coming to the gathering must have an escort, while a single guest does not necessarily bring a date or an escort, married couples are understood to appear together when attending a party, so do not let the significant other hang on the balance.
• Dispatch the wedding invitation approximately one month or three weeks before the wedding day.
• Never send your guests a message that you are desperately expecting a wedding present from them, it is extremely impolite.
• During dinner rehearsal discuss the duties of your attendants (brinede's maids, groom's men, maid of honour and best man), aside from assisting you during the ceremony, they should go ahead of everybody to the reception to stand at the receiving area to greet and welcome guests while the ushers and usherettes lead them to their respective seat.
• Though this is not mandatory, it is still highly appropriate to send your wedding attendants and those who helped during the preparation, a token or any form of present after the wedding to express your deepest gratitude for their assistance.
• If you already set up a bridal registry (and had announced it at your wedding site), and had prosperity dance at the reception, do not put additional burden to your guests by rounding the reception area selling something, it is a way too much. 
• Let the host announced after the church ceremony that guests must allow the bridal party to leave the church first.
• If you are very particular with the table assignment and grouping of guests, prepare an escort card. This is one of the most practical elements you must have in your wedding. This is quite modern and no weddings in the Philippines so far used this card but this is very important to identify your guests and can be properly ushered to their respective table and grouping.
• When you prepare your guest list and table assignment, group them according to preferences: officemates, relatives, friends. Do not group warring parties.
• Personally prepare your reception program, do not allow others to intrude the flow of the program unless they have something significance to contribute, after all it's your wedding and no one has the right to dictate what kind of style you want to create. As much as possible create an entertaining and memorable show that would never embarrass guests in the party.
• Make up your mind if you really want children at the reception, if not, handle this issue carefully since this is highly sensitive to parents who may want to tag their kids along. Specify in the invitation that your reception is an "adult gathering".
• Always send a thank you note to all who had helped and extended assistance before and during your big day, to your guests who attended and to those who send gifts even if they did not come to your wedding.

A Thank-You Note

THANK YOU CARD/NOTE--A small thing that's a big deal!

The Thank-You-Note (with sweets) I'd distributed to the participants of Juvy's Bridal Shower

One of the most commonly forgotten gesture of expressing deep appreciation to guests in a social event is sending a "THANK YOU NOTE", since wedding is a social event, according to a wedding planning site based in Great Britain, guests and everyone who had helped during the preparation all the way to the big day deserve a thank you card or note from the newlyweds.

Sending a Thank-you-note is part of the proper wedding decorum. It signifies good manners and social graces. While everybody thinks that a verbal thank-you speech delivered by the newlyweds at the wedding reception already speaks it all, experts on wedding etiquette highly recommended to still dispatch a Thank-you card, they revealed that it is very rude and impolite for the newlyweds not to send a thank-you card to their guests and bridal party, "It's part of the wedding protocol", explained one of the wedding organizing experts online.

In other countries, sending a Thank You card after the wedding is an obligatory task and part of the wedding etiquette. Others might even find it very offensive if they cannot receive a thank you card after gracing the event. One guest at a wedding in Canada even wrote her displeasure in a website "Wedding Bee": 

"I was IN a wedding last year and gave a generous gift as well as my time in helping with the wedding and have not received a thank you card to this day (the wedding was last year) I find it incredibly rude not to receive one..especially if you were in the bridal party!!"

In the Philippines, apart from the celebrities and high profile personalities, no one among the ordinary folks done this very essential part of social manners.

Although wedding etiquette dictates that couples should and must send their guests each with a Thank You card, no specific style is mentioned how to do it because it's up to the newlyweds how to express their happiness and deep sense of gratitude to the guests and to the wedding party.

According to a wedding etiquette expert from www.topweddingquestions.com site:

"The cards could be in any form you choose including pre-made cards,personalized stationery or even blank paper. As long as you write a personal message and sign it yourselves it's appropriate. Both bride and groom should sign since the gift is to them both and they are both saying thanks" 

Just remember this: 

"HONOR YOUR GUESTS WITH A THANK-YOU NOTE, DON'T LET THEM WONDER IF YOU LIKE THEIR GIFTS OR NOT OR WHETHER YOU ARE PLEASED TO SEE THEM AT THE CEREMONY OR HORRIFIED,  A THANK -YOU NOTE INDICATES THAT YOU VALUE THEIR PRESENCE AND GENEROSITY" 

How long should you send a Thank You note to your guests? 

Almost all Wedding Guide books and magazines I'd read say that within 3 weeks after the event is an ideal period to send your message of appreciation.

To ensure that your message punches a remarkable and memorable gesture to the recipients, prepare a personalized Thank-You note according to the following categories. Mention your appreciation of their presence, time, service and friendship:

1. Guests

2. Guests who brought presents

3. Parents, siblings

4. Those who contributed/sponsored on tangible things: Money, Gown, Bridal Car, Cake, Food, etcetera

5. Those who extended assistance, support during the preparation

6. Those who sent gifts but did not make it to the ceremony

A Thank You Note/Card should not be expensive, in fact you can create out from a very cheap but presentable stationary, what is important is the gesture it conveys. After all the help and assistance that everyone had extended to your wedding, the best thing they deserve is a personalized Thank-You note, it sends a different feeling of being greatly appreciated, it is just a simple gesture but connotes a lasting, warm, and memorable impression.  

Tips on how to handle or prepare Thank-You Notes according to a wedding article from OnMilwaukee website:

1. Assign someone to take care of the guest book at the reception, make sure everyone who attended had written their names and address on it. Write all names of the people who extended support during the preparation and on the wedding day itself. Write the names of everyone who sent gifts even if they did not make it to the ceremony.

2. Decide how the task is going to be divided. Talk to your groom (if you are the bride reading this article) how to divide task on writing thank you messages, whether you will take care of it or the other way around. If you are just print the message or commission someone to do it, etcetera.

3. Don't forget to mention the reason why you are grateful to them. Example: "Thank you Ben and Laura Belmonte for the lovely saucers you gave as a present, we truly appreciated it, your generosity means so much to us". 

4. Don't stress yourself too much. Whatever you choose to do in creating a Thank You card, make sure it feels natural, warmth and light.

Weddings are still steeped in tradition and etiquette and no matter how simple, grand and unique the ceremony is, remember that an obligatory Thank-You-Note is part of the wedding organizing, it reflects good manners and how you value everyone who attended.

Important Wedding Manners

You might be too engrossed on the planning stage and too focused on the style of your dress and the flowers to be put up on the aisle, but did you know that there are more important elements in the celebration other than your hairstyle and the food to be served at the reception?

The most overlooked part in the celebration, and yet extremely crucial in making your wedding celebration a success, is the etiquette of the ceremony and the details and process that comes with it.

Too often, couples never look at this very important element but having correct manners in a wedding define the kind of attitude and personalities of the couple, their sense of style and personal touches and how they would want to make everything lovely and elegant.

So, before going overboard with the preparation, here are the crucial manners to be observed on the wedding planning and ceremony.

Preparation:

• Do not plan a wedding you cannot afford. If budget is limited, have your reception at your backyard. The 35th richest man in the world done this.
• Prepare a guest list and specify the names of the people you wish to invite before you dispatch the invitation.  
• Do not dream of inviting the whole legion of friends and officemates to your wedding unless you have extra budget. Never put so much attention to what they are saying, after all, it's you who will suffer after the wedding.
• Keep the invitation simple. Historically, a wedding invitation consists only of the message of invite, RSVP and the menu card.
• Specify the number of seat you allotted and the number of the table for the recipients of the invitation. 
• Dispatch the invitation exactly one month before the wedding day.
• If no reply from the guests, make a follow up two to three weeks before the wedding, ask them if they could attend or not.

Essentials:

• The type of wedding ceremony is always a choice of the couple, no one can dictate it.
• To stay at the footing of your budget, never organize a ceremony that loaded with too many fancy essentials.
• Scrap unnecessary elements like flower girls and page boys, as long as their roles won't affect the essence of the ceremony, their presence are not really required.
• Historically, the arrhae and wedding rings are carried by the Best Man.
• Keep the ceremony simple and memorable. Do not organize a program that will embarrass your guests or your family members.
• Do not dream of stuffing your big day with too many flowers. It is very expensive. Try choosing green plants instead, it will add a lovely botanical fantasy plus you can save a lot.
• Do not attach the bridal registry card on the wedding invitation, it suggests bad manners. Put an announcement instead on your wedding site if you want your guests to be informed about the registry.
• If you put up a registry, do not list ridiculously expensive items, a registry is set up to help the guests pick a present smoothly and not to compel them to buy you appliances.
• Couples should not have an attitude of expecting gifts. Do not act as if guests are compelled to bring gifts in exchange for the privilege of attending your reception. They are invited to share the joy and happiness of the celebration.

Attitude:

• As the wedding date nearly approaching, be positive and relish the idea of happiness and love. Stop worrying about the little things.
• Do not worry about whether the bride's maids will match each other's dresses or the reception venue doesn't have enough flowers to impress the guests. 
• Do not worry whether the motif you choose will look perfectly on photos or not, it doesn't matter, after all, it's the essence of the ceremony that provides a lasting impression.
• Do not constantly fret on petty things.
• Do not worry whether every angle you visualize is captured on camera and video. Wedding photos are souvenirs of your wedding day, no friends or relatives would want to watch it every minute of the day.
• Happy moment of the wedding can be killed by a bad joke, so prepare a program that would not embarrass you and your guests. Tell the hosts not to attempt to sabotage the party by creating a surprise part of the program without your knowledge. 
• Maintain your focus, do not make your wedding an excuse of having a disoriented mind.

Well, just like all big events, nothing goes 100% perfect. So stop worrying too much.

Wedding Etiquette: Part II

For most ordinary folks, wedding etiquette sounds like a complete stranger, like taking a trip to unchartered territory, but this is the most important aspect of social graces that should be observed.

In every social gathering, there is always an appropriate decorum to be observed, and a wedding event is no exemption. As years gone by, lots of changes and development occurred regarding the proper etiquette in the wedding ceremony, nevertheless, refinement and propriety are still expected to be exercised from both parties.

The Invitation

The words to be composed on the wedding invitations depend on who are hosting the ceremony, unlike in the past where the bride’s parents are the hosts, today, it is normally the couples themselves, so the invitation message should be acknowledged under their names. 

Example:

“We, together with our parents (state the names of your parents), invite you to join us as we express our deepest commitment through the marriage vows….” 

At the end of the paragraph you put your names (for example: George and Natalie), never, never say such thing as: 

“Mr.and Mrs. (groom’s parents) and Mr.and Mrs (bride’s family) request the honor of your presence to witness the wedding of our children, George and Natalie 

when in the Bridal Entourage section of secondary sponsors you will state “To Clothe Us as One”, “To Bind Us Together”, the logic simply messed up and the whole purpose of the invitation horribly turns upside down. Be logical.

According to some wedding organizing experts, couples should never attach a gift registry notice in the wedding invitation, it suggests impropriety. The couples’ friends and relatives should be the one to spread the registry.

Couples may choose to announce this on their wedding website, that’s why it is a must to insert the link of the site to the wedding invitations at the bottom of the message after the reception venue is mentioned. Only the menu card is included in the wedding invitation. Be precise and concise with your invitation message, if necessary mention some details and expectations.

Example of a precise wedding invitation:

We, together with our parents,

Mr. & Mrs (groom’s parents) and Mr. & Mrs. (bride’s parents)

invites the honor of your presence to come and witness us as we express our deepest commitment through the marriage vows on (date) at (name of the church and address).

Kindly come wearing summery attire  to go with our Springtime wedding theme. We would appreciate it very much if you can share your precious time with us. Please let us know if in case you are not available on that date.

Reception follows at the (name of the reception venue).

Anticipating for your presence,

George and Natalie

RSVP: (your contact numbers)

Official Site: (your wedding site link)

The Menu Card

This is where you would list down the foods and drinks to be served on the reception. This is traditionally part of the wedding protocol and always included in the wedding invitation. The significance of distributing a menu card is to inform the guests of the kind of meal and drinks to be served in the reception. Some of them might have allergies on a certain food. Others might expect something on the meal. Menu Card will give them an idea what to expect on the reception.

The Uninvited

There are past that are hard to bury, your partner knows this by heart, especially if that name you hated most seems to appear always in your conversation. If you still have some unresolved issues or feelings with your ex, then do not invite him/her in your wedding out of respect to your future partner.

If your wedding is controlling the number of guests do not address your invitation with “Mr. and Miss Smith and family”, you could just imagine the throng of people attending your reception. Try to be very specific when sending an invitation, be sure you specify how many seats you will reserve so the recipient would know if he/she will bring another family member.

At the Aisle

In a Christian Wedding, it is always the father who will accompany the bride down the aisle. The mother of the bride will be accompanied by her son during the bridal march. The groom will walk with his best man behind (historically, the groom never accompanied by his parents to the altar).

Based on history, the meaning why the bride is accompanied by her father is to usher her in her journey to married life and to indicate that she will no longer under his turf and that she will be taken care now by the man whom she chooses to live for the rest of her life.

The reason why the groom should walk alone is that it implies his manhood, of being independent, of being the head of the family and does not need an anchor to support him and that he could stand and handle the pressure and rigor of married life. Parents of the groom will march after the latter.

Coins and rings should be carried by the Best Man and the mother’s groom not by a young page boy (read the explanation in Wedding Elements).

Bouquet Anxiety

Personally, the reason why I refused to attend wedding reception recently is because I don’t want to endure another round of humiliation by being rudely force to catch the bouquet, “find the match” and mimic what the bride and groom are doing with guests laughing on top of their lungs.

I could not understand why the newlyweds allowed this because it never appears so funny. This is an embarrassing ritual for singles that should be reinvented. You are not staging a carnival or extravaganza to ridicule other guests and to make your wedding day a funny event at the expense of singles, that is not the way entertainment is defined socially.

Be considerate with other’s feelings. If you are eager to include the tossing of bouquet in the program just be creative in facilitating the event.

THANK YOU note

It is customarily to send a “Thank You” note to all the people who attended the ceremony, who had helped the preparation of the whole event and to the people who send gifts. You can make your own note card by printing a carefully chosen message in a clean stationary like that of your wedding invitation.

Gifts

There’s no specific rule that say you will open the gifts before the bewildered guests at the reception. This is not recommended because gifts are precious presents, so the “opening” should be kept private. In fact some modern rule even stated that no gifts should be brought to the wedding reception.

Guests send their gifts when the couple return from their honeymoon, but practicality-wise and to save time and money, guests often bring the gifts in the reception, if this is the case, the gifts should be put at the specific table. In some weddings, there are persons, usually usherettes, who take charge of keeping the gifts.

Receiving the Guests

In most wedding I attended, I rarely see newlyweds personally welcome their guests and engage in a conversation except for table hopping portion, what puzzles me most is their “distant” mood towards the guests at the reception as if they are unreachable and couldn’t be disturbed, I don’t know if it is part of anxiety or wedding nerves but isn’t it nice for the bride and groom to be more gracious and casual to their guests?

After all it is their big day and the last thing to happen is to be figuratively hostile to their invited guests. Some wedding etiquette books say that couples should receive and welcome  the guests personally in the reception venue. They (with their parents) must greet their guests individually before making their way to the head table and personally thank each guest during souvenir-taking. 

Change Outfit

For a small wedding reception, the bride and groom have an option to change their outfit to be more comfortable, mingle with the guests and engage in a conversation before heading to their table. The surrounding is more relaxing and momentous if the couple will join guests on the ground for a time and exchange pleasantries.

For the Guests

Proper etiquette says that guests are expected to behave and act appropriately when attending a wedding event. Avoid rude manners and remarks during the ceremony. Maintain tactfulness and refinement.

You are not invited to put the couple in a hot spot, you are there to share precious moments with them and not to embarrass them.

Exercise a proper code of conduct by consistently behaving all through out. It is always proper to inform the bride and groom when leaving the reception venue and not just fade in the background for unknown reasons.

Wedding Etiquette: Part I

While there’s no specific rule to follow when organizing a wedding — you can be as creative and stylish as you want, after all it’s your special day–but there are some points/proper etiquette to consider.

Here are some of those points and etiquette:

WEDDING ATTENDANTS:

It’s your big day! So if you want to have two Maids of Honour and two Best Men then it’s up to you. So as long as your attendants know their roles in your special day. Wedding attendants act as supporters of the bride and groom from day one of the preparation up to the last minute of the wedding reception. They will stand on the receiving line at the reception to welcome the guests.

CEREMONY

You can be as creative as you want. With the exemption of the Church rites (liturgy, vows, etc) every detail of the event can be revised based on your style and taste. You may add other elements and surprises during the reception.

Tossing of the bouquet maybe reinvent into something different like putting a cash prize on it then throw it before the “von voyage” part (the ritual where the couple should be allowed to leave the area first on the way to their honeymoon while the guests look on and extend their warm wishes), it is not necessary to gather the singles to catch the bouquet, that’s very traditional and worn-out, think of other creative style which is comfortable to everybody. 

RECESSIONAL MARCH

The newlyweds, their parents and their wedding attendants must be allowed to leave the church first before the whole congregation. Guests should wait for the entourage to leave the vicinity of the church before heading to the reception venue.

It is always inappropriate for the guests to arrive first at the venue ahead of the couple,  their parents and wedding attendants. Remember, they will stand in the receiving line to welcome guests, if the guests will arrive first in the venue how can they perform their duties accordingly?

PHOTO SHOOT

There are modern couples who choose to have picture taking at the reception venue rather than in the church. But for the sake of photo memories, the newlyweds may have their photo taken at the altar after the ceremony.

You can have your rounds of pose at the reception venue before the meal starts. Others choose to have their photo ops at the stylish and elegant location before or after the ceremony. Having a series of photo shoots at the altar may attract tension from the newlyweds as they are still preparing their nerves for another “show” at the reception.

After the signing of registry at the church, a recessional march of the couple, their parents and attendants will follow which allow little time for the photo session.

MOTHER OF THE BRIDE

Wedding etiquette dictates that the mother of the bride has the privilege to pick her dress color first before anybody else.

The dress shade may not be necessarily ivory, white or that of the wedding motif but according to her taste and preferences. She will be accompanied by her son during the bridal entourage march at the aisle as her husband will walk behind their daughter.

MOTHER OF THE GROOM

Traditionally, she will be the one to carry the arrhae of the couple, though in recent years this was relegated to a page boy.

The significance of this practice is that the groom’s mother symbolizes his origin, manhood and treasure and because arrhae signifies his treasure that he would offer to his bride, it is just proper to let it be handled and carried by his mother, it is more sentimental and meaningful and implies high respect to the mother than a page boy carrying it.

But if it is too much for the mother of the groom to perform this task, the arrhae should be carried by the Best Man (if there are two Best Man) in addition to the wedding rings. The wedding rings should be, and always be, carried and handled by the Best Man. The mother of the groom will walk down the aisle with her husband and find their seat on the front row before the congregation. 

THE SIGNIFICANCE

A groom must choose his own brother for a role of a best man. No wedding etiquette books say that wedding attendants should be single, choosing them has something to do with close family ties.

If a groom has a living brother, no matter how old he is at the time of wedding, it is customarily to pick him before anybody else. The significance of having a blood brother of the groom as his best man is that the latter will be the one to carry the wedding rings.

If they are blood related, it would be more meaningful to have it in his position as it denotes close family bonding that will be continued to the married life of his brother. The significance of the mother of the groom carrying the arrhae is that arrhae symbolizes treasure to provide as well as responsibility of the groom to his future family, since sons considered their mother as their priceless treasure to whom they originated, it would be more meaningful if she will carry the arrhae.

This very meaningful gesture also denotes that the mother of the groom welcomed her new daughter-in-law into their family with unconditional love, support and acceptance.

GIFT ETIQUETTE

All wedding etiquette books and online wedding tips I read explained that it is boorish and suggest bad behavior asking gifts from your guests, after all you are inviting them to share your joy and enthusiasm on the happiest event in your life and not because you will expecting something from them.

It is the guests’ sole discretion to bring gift or not. If you arrange a bridal registry from the major department stores, do not include the bridal registry card when you send the invitation, it suggests impropriety, try to announce it instead in your website or let your friends and relatives pass the information to the guests they know.

ATTITUDE IN SENDING GIFTS

Wedding gifts maybe brought to the reception but this is not really necessary. Guests may send their gifts before or after the wedding day.

RECEPTION

If you are marrying on a tight budget, it is more practical to cut the number of guests but if you want to accommodate all your colleagues, friends and relatives and still want to save something for the future, choose to serve less than expensive dishes.

You may choose to have a garden reception with canapes or pasta and fruit drinks instead of a sit-down, formal reception. Make sure everybody feel comfortable while at the reception, never organize a program which send tremor to every guest’s pulses, let them feel the beauty and quietness of the surrounding while enjoying your event.

Prepare a seating chart at the entrance area of the reception venue to guide your guests on their seating assignment.

MONETARY GIFT

In a typical Filipino wedding, couples always have a prosperity dance, but there are individuals who are not comfortable with this arrangement. If you are one of these people who detest prosperity dance, think of other alternative.

You may create or set-up a wedding shop near the entrance of the reception venue where you can display some personalized items related to your wedding (a storybook of your wedding, a CD compilation of songs with significance to your wedding, etc.), others choose to put a wedding wishing well or bird cage instead for guests to put their money gift. 

CONNECT WITH YOUR GUESTS

It is always appropriate for the newlyweds to connect with their guests at the reception. In most Filipino weddings, it is very rare for the bride and groom to go around and exchange pleasantries with their guests aside from the table hopping (for picture taking) portion, they remained secluded in their seats and seemed restless and nervous.

According to a wedding guide book, though this is very normal for couples, it is inappropriate to let your guests be entertained by your relatives and attendants. After the meal, roam around and chat with everybody, be comfortable in your own wedding, relax with your guests, engage in good conversation and enjoy the rest of the day with your new spouse and relatives on both sides.

WEDDING SPEECH

This is always reserve to the best man, the father of the groom and the groom, each of them will deliver a speech during the reception. But if you (the groom) are not the speech-type person you may choose to do the VTR before hand.

THANK YOU NOTES

For the brides, this is always a must. Send thank you notes to the people who attended and those who send gifts and the people who have a direct hand in the preparation.

Show your appreciation by producing cards with a handwritten thank you message.