Treating Guests at the Reception

Wedding is a social event which involves too many preparation details, the stress, tension and pressure that accompany the planning might too much for the future couple to bear, so they need a very good organizing scheme to get things done without glitches.

Usually, the horror and embarrassment of the newlyweds happened at the reception ceremony because of too many exaggerated portion and often less than fascinating.


Here is a useful guide how to  make a wedding day free from clutters and how to avoid  "disastrous" circumstances especially at the reception.

One of the most crucial part of the ceremony is at the reception, this moment sometimes is the "judging day" among guests and "gossipers", and many couples succumb to the pitfalls of bad etiquette due to unforeseen catastrophe.

Though no couples dreamed to get embarrassed at their own wedding, history tells us that the reception is often the defining moment how creative and prepared they are and how orderly the planning was carried out. 

The most common disasters at the reception are the following:

• Couples arrive very late at the venue overshooting the timetable of the program.
• Guests wandering around the venue because there's no available table to occupy.
• Meals are serve too late with no welcome refreshment offered upon their arrival.
• No one assigned at the receiving line to welcome the guests warmly.
• The flow of the program bores everyone.
• Hosts embarrass guests with ridiculous portion of the program. 
• Uninteresting/uninspired flow of events.

The above pitfalls commonly occur in almost all weddings in the Philippines especially in the regional areas.  Maybe because the bride and groom are just focusing on the idea of getting married and let friends and relatives handle the organizing part. This is a big mistake, couples must take a closer look on how everything will turn out to avoid disasters and not delegate the job entirely to the people around, after all it's your big day, no one will pay the high prize getting embarrass except you. 

A good organizing skill is needed, this cannot be learned overnight, it takes dedication and wisdom to fully acquire that skill, but a little information how things get done will help a lot .

To avoid these pitfalls happen in your own wedding, the following suggestions are of great help:

• Personally create a timetable for the reception.
• Avoid assigning this task to your friends, relatives or organizer.
• Make the program lively and entertaining for everyone to enjoy.
• Avoid making guests nervous with a ridiculous program that might embarrass them.
• Orient the host how you would like the program to be handled.
• Orient the wedding party ahead of your big day and explain their individual task/assignment at the event from the church down to the reception.
• Rehearsal dinner is very important so try inserting this in your busy schedule.
• Let the wedding attendants stand at the receiving line to welcome the guests.
• Visit the reception venue a day before the wedding to check the number of tables and chairs if it coincides with the expected guests. Request for extra tables and chairs in case of excess heads.
• Prepare a welcome refreshment--canapes and drinks--for your guests to prevent them getting very hungry while they wait for your arrival.
• Avoid too many "money-begging" portion at the reception.

How to Avoid Wedding Day Disasters!

Got an inspiration of this post from the Wedding Channel website.  

The following wedding disasters are very common and I, myself had witnessed it on several occasions I attended weddings! And in disbelief, I often cringed on the disasters that had just unfolded before my eyes. Just imagined the hysteria and anxieties that the newly weds experienced when they noticed that the most important event in their relationship suddenly turned into a big wobble of clutters!

Wedding day happens only once so everyone wants the best for their big day and disasters definitely is not part of their excitement. So here, I will share the tips how to avoid catastrophes in your wedding day.

Wedding Day Disaster One:

As the bridal entourage started taking their turn on the aisle, you noticed they became so hesitant with their walk, they stumbled, they were confused what to do where to sit, the flower girls and pages fought and cried , photographers were taking wrong, unimpressive shots, and during the picture taking at the end of the ceremony, hosts endlessly roll called everyone to come to the altar overshooting your time table of starting the reception. You and your spouse seemed clueless what to do in front of the altar and where to end the pictorials, when to take your steps leaving the church.

Prevent it:

Prepare a detailed wedding day script ( sometimes I called this an event skeletal script) one week before your big day. Have a rehearsal dinner two days before the wedding, invite everyone from wedding attendants, parents, sponsors, hosts, photographers, videographers, ushers, usherettes, and everyone who has a role to play on the ceremony and at the reception. Explain the detailed script of your wedding to the group. Orient them with their function/role on the big day. Instruct them what to do, where to position, when to leave their post, present the time table of each event including the pictorial session at the church. Take a general church rehearsal so that everyone will know, including yourself and your future spouse, what to do. Important: A rehearsal dinner is a must to avoid disaster on your wedding day!

Wedding Day Disaster Two:

The church ceremony took so long to finish, the guests obviously were hungry and you overshoot the time of the reception indicated in the wedding invitation. The reception started very late and everyone was so pissed off with the whole event, they were hungry and bored. The program was so dry and lacked enthusiasm and worst, the hosts were rude and talked nonsense.

Prevent it:

In your detailed wedding script, include the time table. Browse here my detailed wedding script. Stick on your time table. Work it with your future spouse and organizer if you hired one. Determine the gap minutes of each event, for example, the ceremony starts at 3:00 pm so it will surely finish at 4:30 pm. From there, allow 10 minutes for the signing of registry (with someone singing at the church) then allow 15 minutes for the picture taking. Hand over to the host(s) at the church the groupings of your picture taking. 

Avoid calling everyone for the pictorials, you will really overshoot your time. They can have it at the reception anyway. Tell the hosts that the picture taking at the altar should only take 15 minutes then make a cue to proceed to the exit of the entourage. 

Wedding attendants (bride's maids, groom's men, maid of honor, best man) and ushers and usherettes should work together. They will arrive first at the reception ahead of everyone. Wedding attendants should stand at the receiving line while ushers and usherettes should stand at their back and lead the guests to their respective seat. Upon their arrival, offer a welcome refreshment to the guests and have an entertainment (a song number or a dance number) to keep them excited and happy.

Personally prepare a program by yourself, check the flow to keep everyone interested. Scrap unnecessary portion that would embarrass guests, orient the host what to do and how to treat the program.

Wedding Day Disaster Three:

Your reception venue will supposed to have 15 tables with eight occupants each. So naturally, the table must have eight chairs. But suddenly at the reception, the people involved prepared only 12 tables!But you already made up the list of groupings, no one figured it until you noticed there were guests navigating around finding their tables, scratching their head because they could not find a place to sit!The staff at the venue scrambled to find additional tables, rolling it over before the presence of bewildered guests. The problem was solve but the circumstance was so embarrassing!So how to avoid this unfortunate event?

Prevent it:

Prepare by yourself a visual presentation of the venue, as much as possible draw and sketch the area so that you can visualized where to put tables. Double check your guest list and the late confirmation of other guests. Personally check the venue a day before the wedding. Meet the staff who will handle the event, give them the seating chart and the list of groupings to let them aware how many guests coming and how many excess you are expecting. Tell them to prepare at least three additional standby tables to accommodate excess heads. Assign ushers and usherettes to check the actual number of guests who come to the reception from the church.

Obsolete Wedding Reception Rituals

While doing some research online for suitable wedding manners, I came across with this beautiful and must-read article from TLC website  about "Wedding Reception Rituals that We Wish Would Die Already". 

True enough, there are guests who would experience a deep sense of anxiety when attending a wedding reception because of so many stressful portions in the wedding program, not only for the guests but for the newlyweds as well.

"Aside from wearing shiny shoes, uncomfortable dress and make up, carrying gifts and talking to complete strangers, they will have to brave confusing and embarassing wedding rituals which are both toe-curlingly corny and socially awkward, from the de-gartering of the bride to the throwing of bouquets, everything seems to be worst as times goes by especially if you are a person who cringed the idea of becoming the butt of jokes in a social event".

The trouble with weddings in the provinces is that couples never actually prepare and screen out the program themselves. Due to tension and pressure following the planning stage, they prefer to let their organizers and close friends do the program preparation which is partly wrong as they would be clueless what will happen along the way.

To avoid disasters and to spare important guests from humiliation, couples must check the flow of the program first before the big day. Contact your organizers or host of the wedding reception program, screen out the flow of the program and the fun games (if there's any) and make sure none of your guests will be subjected to embarrassment. Wedding is a social event and no one in their correct senses would ever want themselves to become the subject of ridicule and stupidity in a gathering.

There are wedding planners and hosts of the ceremony that are really insensitive and untutored on how to conduct a very polite and well-mannered social gathering, most of these people just wanted to create a funny, entertaining moment at the expense of the guests which is highly improper and very rude. Couples did not invite their guests to be embarrassed.

In reality, even myself, I detested attending a wedding reception because of the rude program organized by the hosts of the ceremony which would really push you to the edge of irritation. Stupidity is not an entertainment by the way. A wedding should be organized for everyone attending to enjoy and not to annoy.

Here's a list of Top 10 wedding reception rituals that are obsolete and gone-with-the-ages and no longer trendy, therefore, must be discarded:

1. The Bouquet Toss

Does anyone really want to catch that thing? 

By far, according to TLC website, throwing of the bridal bouquet is the most-hated wedding reception in world history, this is not funny after all why? Because it aims to poke fun at the single ladies deliberately making them the center of stupidity which is downright cruel and boorish. Afterall, you did not invite your guests to be humiliated, so why push them to ramble on the floor when the price is to embarrass them  afterwards? Remember that guests have different personality, if the hosts of the ceremony find it funny, others dismissed it as too offensive, disgusting and very uncomfortable.

The only audience/guests who are happy with this stupid wedding reception ritual are the married guests, who seemed ecstatic to see someone embarrassed in front of many people. Very rude and lacks proper social etiquette. What's more disgusting with this ritual is that too much enthusiasm will make you look like a lunatic, while refusing to join will make you like an impossible snobbish individual and could potentially put you in an uncomfortable situation of being dubbed as a total "killjoy". People could not simply comprehend that embarrassment is a dangerous issue. So how would you enjoy the party when there's plenty of pressure in the surroundings?

2. Prosperity Dance, Selling puto or lollipop per table....you get the idea

Why would this ancient tradition would not just die down?It's so tacky and pretty medieval.

According to TLC website 

"Guests have already travelled, spend so much on transportation expenses, dress, shoes, make up and wrapping the electric potato peeler on the bridal registry you had announced, letting them doing another round of "shedding" their hard-earned money, pinning it on the bride's dress is a way too much vulgar and overtly rude. 

Couple may reinvent it anyway if they want to include it badly in the ceremony. While everyone favors the advantage of having a prosperity dance in the reception because it means drawing plenty of "cash", wedding organizers can recreate it by thinking of other new trend which is more stylish and unique like putting a wedding wishing well or wedding shop.

3. Cheesy Photo Montage

Come to think of it. A wedding reception is not a business meeting but a time to eat, drink and get on with the party. Wedding guests should not be subjected to cheesy showdown of your memento they have had enough and don't need another show of staring two people they've already been watching for three hours since the ceremony started.

4. Awkward Speeches

There's nothing wrong with a good and warm wedding toast speech it's part of the ceremony, but adding another round of speeches from guests and relatives is another thing. It's a wedding and not a farewell party. Guests want to enjoy their meals, little kids are fighting their appetite of sleeping so why spoil it with a "speech" portion? Hearing a distant uncle, a shy father, or a hesitant principal sponsor deliver a rambling speech tend you to fall asleep.

5. The Elaborate Removal of the Garter

The groom is obviously happy, lustily removing the garter from his bride's legs, but what about the innocent bystander? Let's admit it. There are other parts of the wedding reception rituals that are so cute and cheesy like the first dance of the couple, the bite sharing of cake, but others, like throwing of bridal bouquet and removal of the garter, are plain disturbing. Like tossing of bouquet which tends to humiliate single ladies, garter removal is also a tacky and hostile portion of the wedding reception that pushes single men guests to cringe in embarrasment,  "That in and of itself is enough to make everyone in a 20-foot radius back up a step", according to TLC.

6. Here we go....The Bouquet/Garter Matchup

This portion is one of the most nonsense and dreaded parts of the wedding reception that wrongly perceived by wedding organizers as entertaining and funny. Again, creating an entertaining program at the expense of others is simply insensitive and ridiculous and stupid and stupidity is not a form of entertainment. 

The bouquet and garter match up will force the unfortunate "catchers" to dance and do what the couple did in front of ecstatic audience. What other people did not know is the hidden embarrassment and humiliation the two strangers felt. Don't ever think that all people approve this kind of foolish game at the reception. There are individuals who detest this ritual and the potential trauma of embarrassment takes forever to subside.

7. Constant Smooching

It's enough that the couple displayed an awkward kissing moment at the church's steps while the crowd went crazy by screaming on top of their lungs "More!More!", so why requiring them to undergo another round of smooching at the four corners of the reception area? Give the newlyweds a time to unwind and relax after the intense months of preparation by allowing them to enjoy the reception without pressure and clutters.

8. Sit-down Reception

This is a common practice among the upper class but unrealistic for the working class. In the modern world where economic meltdown is as dreadful as catching a bridal bouquet, sit-down reception is simply a thing of the past. If it's not in your budget then do not force yourself by scrambling to find a risky way to have money just to impress everyone attending with fantastic food and venue. Remember that starting your married life in a wrong financial footing is a bad omen and spell disaster. Why not organizing a simple garden party with canapes or a cocktail party with refreshment for a reception? After all it's your wedding and if anybody has a problem with that set up ask them politely if they can contribute something to make your wedding grand enough.  

There you go....

The eight obsolete rituals in a wedding reception that must be discarded and must be recreated. Apart from the liturgy and the traditional rites that the church followed in a matrimonial ceremony, a wedding in many aspects is purely ceremonial, so you can organized it differently not merely following what the traditions dictate especially at the reception.

Try to be creative and stylish, spruce up your wedding with originality and uniqueness and give your guests a kind of event that would not compel them to succumb to a nervous breakdown. Make every minute memorable and relaxing while enjoying the party.

SOURCES: TLC website, Marie Claire website