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Thursday, August 1, 2013

How to Handle Wedding Dilemmas

Although each wedding is unique, some of the slip-ups and dilemmas involved are universal: costly, expenses overboard, bloopers at the ceremony, show-off guests, obsolete wedding rituals like throwing a bouquet, garter, prosperity dance and gate crashers.

Here are some practical tips shared by CNN.com taken from the wedding planning experts:

"The most common wedding dilemma that most couple encounters is managing the guest list. Just how many guests the couple should invite? What is the best way to inform the guests that they are not suppose to bring uninvited or unspecified guest to the reception? How to react if someone comes up and laments why she or he is not included in the guest list?"

The Etiquette:

Uninvited Guests: Remember this sacred rule in a social event: Do not come to the party if you did not receive any invitation officially, it is always rude to ask the couple or the party hosts why you are not included in the celebration. It's a wedding and not a town feast, the bride and groom are setting a specific budget and we must respect that.

Couple: If you are not very specific with your preferences, you run the risk of having too many excess heads at the ceremony and ruining your budget and your day. There are many ways how to control the number of guests and how to tell them they are not suppose to bring unspecified guests to the reception. At the invitation, put something like "Adult reception only" (in this case, guests will know bringing children are not welcome), "we have reserved one seat for you at the reception" (in this case guests will have an idea that bringing an uninvited companion is off limit). You can create a wedding site and specify your preferences. 

"Wedding, especially in the Philippines, is almost like a family affair , all members seem like have an opinion, unfortunately not all the suggestions they offer fit the taste and preferences of the couple and the kind of celebration they envision"

The etiquette:

Couple: This can be a very difficult situation especially if the suggestions come from the future in-laws. Maintain politeness and avoid acting like you detested their opinions. Assign a specific task for mothers, sisters and everyone in the family to make them feel they are part of the event and keep their focus narrow.

Guests: Unless you have something to contribute financially, you must know your place in the ceremony--just an invited guest, therefore have no right to offer outrageous suggestions. 

Family: Respect the couple's preferences. The bride and groom might not refuse the suggestions to avoid offending anyone but the situation might also the culprit of their wedding stress and anxiety, so it's better to minimize your involvement unless it's necessary, allow the couple to pick their choices.

"Gift giving is part of the wedding tradition, but it has lots of dilemmas involved: The horror of receiving duplicate items (4 electric fans, 3 oven toasters, 6 rice cookers), the couple's preference of receiving cash instead of guests".

The Etiquette:

Couple: It is always rude and bad manner to ask guests for a gift, it's a personal choice to give one. The guests are coming, you invited them but it doesn't mean they are obliged to bring a gift. You are inviting them to share the joy of the celebration and not to collect home appliances and household items. If you don't want to receive a duplicate item, try to create a bridal registry and announce it to your wedding site. Do not attach a bridal registry in the wedding invitation, wedding experts maintain it's impolite. If you prefer to receive cash gifts rather than items, specify it at your wedding site or let some friends and relatives spread the word to guests that you are putting a wedding shop at the reception so bringing gifts is no longer necessary. 

Guests: Gift giving is part of the wedding tradition, it's one way of helping the newly weds start their own family. Know the taste and lifestyle of the couple when you plan to buy a wedding gift. Check their site if they set up a bridal registry. 

"Wedding rituals in the Philippines include prosperity dance, rounding something during the reception (selling puto, macaroons, etc). How to handle it without giving an impression you are asking too much monetary gifts from the guests?"

The Etiquette:

Couple: Avoid being too demanding to the guests. If you have a prosperity dance at the reception, scrap the selling of puto, it's too much for the guests. Remember they already spend on shoes, dress, make-up, hairstyle, gifts and not to mention the transportation expenses, the least to happen is another round of asking money from them. Although it's only an option whether they will give or not, the action alone suggests impropriety, so avoid it.

"Wedding tradition at the reception like throwing bouquet and garter, poking fun at the unfortunate guests who catch it and other form of stupid entertainment"

The Etiquette:

Couple: Remember that you are inviting your friends and relatives to share the joy of the celebration and not to embarrass them. Others find it entertaining and funny but others consider it offensive and downright ridiculous. Avoid this uncomfortable situation by checking the program before hand with the party host and tell him or her to scrap the unnecessary elements of poking fun with your guests.

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